I been looking a person who’s really, truly, and fully of love to loving me since I knowing The Love exiting in this world. I had been desperately, desirably and believably to the person in the way of perfection. I had been going through a few of experiences, trying hard to searching, scanning, and finding for someone I’m really belonging to. I had been dreaming, thinking, and looking the way to live, the way to feel that I am exit’s to this world.
I couldn’t feel that I am here, righteous to this world. I couldn’t breathe, hardly to breathe when the early morning I sat on the toilet bowl; smoking and thinking what the hack I should do every damn whole day. I couldn’t tell the feeling to anyone, even my close friends. I’m shame if I told them and they’re feedback is ’Laughing’ at me.
I rather choose to be silent. Pretending, ignoring, and denial find a solution to solve my “problems”. This is a “problems” to me? Isn’t “it” really bored me? I am keeping on asking myself. Seriously, it is not really a “problems” to me. But I couldn’t get it out of my mind. Maybe I am bored; keep on repeating the same foot step every single morning.
I can feel my neck is pain because of I didn’t sleep well. Almost every late night, I woke up from the bed for no reason. Am I under pressure? What pressure I having now? Something stupid ideas come out from my stupid mind. Somehow, am I too lonely? Horrible, terrible, and unbelievable to realise that I am lonely.
Lonely, it is a strong word for me. I don’t want to be, and I will not to be alone. Maybe, there was the reason I adopted a dog.